Dear friends,
I have decided to make the permanent move to my Tumblr blog. I have been going back and forth for several months, but I have officially made my choice, and tumblr, you win.
So if you are at all interested click here,
Ciao blogger.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Nothing.
I am claiming this to possibly be my last post (you never can be quite sure).
So this is my reality:
I drink black clipper tea every morning as a way to take 10 min of my day an honor and reflect on my now memories.
I burn incense and remember the family I had at 28 St Wilfrids Crescent.
I try to be secure and show love to everyone I meet as a way to honor the love I was shown and the security I was taught.
I take a few hours each week and designate them to myself, I write in my journal, I drink coffee, I read, I sing to myself, I write emails.
I try (and fail) to be a present, equal part of my family, cleaning, dishes, dinner. (mom, I said I was trying not succeeding).
I revel in the time I spend with friends. The true, lovely, beautiful friends I have here.
I try to be a present part of my community.
I try to get myself up every Sunday to attend church (something I didnt do before I left).
I give myself an allowance every week as a way to honor simplicity and the lessons a I have learned
I try to not take my friends, family and others for granted. I realize how lucky I am to have had the friends and family had in Bradford, and how lucky I am to have the friends and family I have in Wooster.
I fail, but I try, each day. As if it were knew, to push myself, to be myself, to give.
People back in Bradford, all over the states, and at home, continue to touch my heart with there love. I am constantly amazed. Wow, whoever is reading this, I think its safe to say that you inspire me to be better and I cant begin to tell you how much I am amazed at everyone's friendship.
I couldnt have done without your support, and I wouldnt be here without your example and love.
I hope in turn, I am able to show you and others what you have taught me.
Yours truly, Devon
So this is my reality:
I drink black clipper tea every morning as a way to take 10 min of my day an honor and reflect on my now memories.
I burn incense and remember the family I had at 28 St Wilfrids Crescent.
I try to be secure and show love to everyone I meet as a way to honor the love I was shown and the security I was taught.
I take a few hours each week and designate them to myself, I write in my journal, I drink coffee, I read, I sing to myself, I write emails.
I try (and fail) to be a present, equal part of my family, cleaning, dishes, dinner. (mom, I said I was trying not succeeding).
I revel in the time I spend with friends. The true, lovely, beautiful friends I have here.
I try to be a present part of my community.
I try to get myself up every Sunday to attend church (something I didnt do before I left).
I give myself an allowance every week as a way to honor simplicity and the lessons a I have learned
I try to not take my friends, family and others for granted. I realize how lucky I am to have had the friends and family had in Bradford, and how lucky I am to have the friends and family I have in Wooster.
I fail, but I try, each day. As if it were knew, to push myself, to be myself, to give.
People back in Bradford, all over the states, and at home, continue to touch my heart with there love. I am constantly amazed. Wow, whoever is reading this, I think its safe to say that you inspire me to be better and I cant begin to tell you how much I am amazed at everyone's friendship.
I couldnt have done without your support, and I wouldnt be here without your example and love.
I hope in turn, I am able to show you and others what you have taught me.
Yours truly, Devon
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Mumford
I have decided that Mumford & Sons is such a truthful part of my mental processing that they need their own blog post.
I dont know what it is about them.
Actually I know exactly what it is, it is their sound, their lyrics, the way they preform, everything.
It is like my first music love, Iron & Wine, but better.
If you haven't checked them out yet, please do so, I promise you, they are more then worth it. They are one heck of a band, the more you listen and the more you learn, the more you respect and love them.
I dont know what it is about them.
Actually I know exactly what it is, it is their sound, their lyrics, the way they preform, everything.
It is like my first music love, Iron & Wine, but better.
If you haven't checked them out yet, please do so, I promise you, they are more then worth it. They are one heck of a band, the more you listen and the more you learn, the more you respect and love them.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Today
I feel like being a hermit. I feel like locking myself up in my room, going through my pictures, cleaning, drinking coffee, making dinner, writing emails, taking pictures, writing letters, I feel like doing nothing. I have realized I need at least one day a week like this, and more recently I need several days a week like this. I don't know what it is, or why, I am just so tired, so easily.
Its just hard sometimes, and sometimes friends don't get it and sometimes that makes it even harder.
And sometimes I dont even get it, and sometimes that makes it easier,
Because then I don't have to think about it.
Today I went to church, and that was hard.
Today I have a headache, from things being hard.
Today the weather is lovely and that makes things better.
Yours truly, Devon
Its just hard sometimes, and sometimes friends don't get it and sometimes that makes it even harder.
And sometimes I dont even get it, and sometimes that makes it easier,
Because then I don't have to think about it.
Today I went to church, and that was hard.
Today I have a headache, from things being hard.
Today the weather is lovely and that makes things better.
Yours truly, Devon
Monday, July 26, 2010
Boredom
I cant fall asleep until 2:00 in the morning.
I don't know where I want to be. Or where I want to go.
Sometimes I feel numb, like I am not even really living.
I don't talk much lately.
I am finding it hard to be myself sometimes.
I am bored.
But I am trying to find the beauty in boredom. Things can be simple. Things can be dull. And that is the lovely, simplistic part of life.
I don't know where I want to be. Or where I want to go.
Sometimes I feel numb, like I am not even really living.
I don't talk much lately.
I am finding it hard to be myself sometimes.
I am bored.
But I am trying to find the beauty in boredom. Things can be simple. Things can be dull. And that is the lovely, simplistic part of life.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Ch ch ch changes
I have been sitting here for the past 20 minuets . Typing things, erasing things, re-typing them, losing my inspiration. So I here I am.
I have been home for two days. Its been good. Soft sheets, french press coffee, hugs, fruit, walking to my Nana's house, lying in the hammock, walking around downtown, sitting out on my roof, coffee with friends, wide open spaces, lots of old but new clothes. Its exciting.
For the past two days I have been fixated on a bike. I would like to purchase a bike. Ideally I would like a vintage bike - something I find a goodwill for 15 dollars, but would have been around 60 at a vintage shop. That would be a dream come true for my wallet. But we will see.
About a month ago I realized I lost my camera battery charger, so I have been unable to take pictures with my camera. I am soo bummed about it. It has forced me to take mental pictures and pay extra attention to detail since I cant cop out and look back at pictures one day.
Standing at the door and watching each child leave the door for the last time, one by one, in there blue jumpers. The way the driveway felt, so long and narrow, the last time I would walk it on my way back from dinner. The empty room, the empty hallway, the empty house, the way the lights made a golden glow at 3 in the morning, the closing of the door for the last time. The face's of friends as I walked down the winding que, deeper into the airport. The green antique couches and the walk I took to get to them. The view from the bench on the porch, the tall buildings, the sunset glow, the fence. 17 men and women walking down the street, with multi colored ballons in their hands. Unleashing 17 balloons simultaneously, and watching them disappear. Late night adventures, CTA, the golden glow of street lights, sitting on the floor. Perseverance to stay awake, three cushioned couches, and laughter. Pulling away in a green, small, strangely familiar car. The greenness and openness of my home. The sprawled out, still unpacked suitcase. The red glow of my Chinese lantern, books, and my dark rimed glasses.
Yours truly, Devon
I have been home for two days. Its been good. Soft sheets, french press coffee, hugs, fruit, walking to my Nana's house, lying in the hammock, walking around downtown, sitting out on my roof, coffee with friends, wide open spaces, lots of old but new clothes. Its exciting.
For the past two days I have been fixated on a bike. I would like to purchase a bike. Ideally I would like a vintage bike - something I find a goodwill for 15 dollars, but would have been around 60 at a vintage shop. That would be a dream come true for my wallet. But we will see.
About a month ago I realized I lost my camera battery charger, so I have been unable to take pictures with my camera. I am soo bummed about it. It has forced me to take mental pictures and pay extra attention to detail since I cant cop out and look back at pictures one day.
Standing at the door and watching each child leave the door for the last time, one by one, in there blue jumpers. The way the driveway felt, so long and narrow, the last time I would walk it on my way back from dinner. The empty room, the empty hallway, the empty house, the way the lights made a golden glow at 3 in the morning, the closing of the door for the last time. The face's of friends as I walked down the winding que, deeper into the airport. The green antique couches and the walk I took to get to them. The view from the bench on the porch, the tall buildings, the sunset glow, the fence. 17 men and women walking down the street, with multi colored ballons in their hands. Unleashing 17 balloons simultaneously, and watching them disappear. Late night adventures, CTA, the golden glow of street lights, sitting on the floor. Perseverance to stay awake, three cushioned couches, and laughter. Pulling away in a green, small, strangely familiar car. The greenness and openness of my home. The sprawled out, still unpacked suitcase. The red glow of my Chinese lantern, books, and my dark rimed glasses.
Yours truly, Devon
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Whats old is new
So here I am, I am back.
Its strange, I am noticing the things I missed. The down to earth-ness that Americans bring, the dirty-ness, the heat, dollop, JPUSA, coffee shops, and the "american vibe" in general.
All these things are old, but new again. I like it, and I dont like it.
Sometimes things seem surreal, like I never lived in Bradford. Sometimes I cant wrap my head around the fact that I have been gone for 10 months, and how it feels like I have been gone for a week. How ten months is a long time, yet its actually not a long time at all.
I am glad to be sitting here in dollop (one of my favourite coffee shops), I journaled a bit, I made some earrings, I read, I wrote some emails.
I am confused. I sit back and reflect on what I was, what I did, how I thought, how I acted. Two years ago, 11 months ago, 3 months ago. And I do not know where to go from here.
I have changed. But what do I do with that change. Where do I go. How do I keep it going. What if I just shrink right back to where I was.
I am self absorbed, and I know that. I just don't know how to keep trying to get away from it. My thought patterns for the past 19 years have been me, all about me. What do I do, where should I go, what should I say, what do people think about me. How do I continue to try and push myself to get away from that. How do I find the balance in self reflection and giving.
In a few days, I wont have people holding me accountable, telling me to push myself to be intentional. It wont be apart of the "program"
It will be apart of my life, my responsibility to hold myself accountable, to challenge myself, spiritually, mentally, to intentionally live as the person I am, and move towards the person I am becoming.
Who am I becoming? Sometimes I think I just resort to acting as the person I was. Selfish, always trying to be cool, calm collected. Pushing myself to be someone I wasn't, instead of accepting who I was, and owning up to my flaws.
Even this blog post is completely self absorbed. I know too an extent this blog is for me to reflect about what I am feeling and going through, but still. I just don't know.
I think everyday I just need to take time to challenge myself. I know its time for myself, but I feel I need it to try and get away from my ever so comfortable self absorption.
In the past two years I have had two extremes, complete independence mentally, and dysfunctional dependence with my team. Now how can I find a happy medium. What does that look like? What will it feel like?
How can I find the balance.
Yours truly, Devon
Its strange, I am noticing the things I missed. The down to earth-ness that Americans bring, the dirty-ness, the heat, dollop, JPUSA, coffee shops, and the "american vibe" in general.
All these things are old, but new again. I like it, and I dont like it.
Sometimes things seem surreal, like I never lived in Bradford. Sometimes I cant wrap my head around the fact that I have been gone for 10 months, and how it feels like I have been gone for a week. How ten months is a long time, yet its actually not a long time at all.
I am glad to be sitting here in dollop (one of my favourite coffee shops), I journaled a bit, I made some earrings, I read, I wrote some emails.
I am confused. I sit back and reflect on what I was, what I did, how I thought, how I acted. Two years ago, 11 months ago, 3 months ago. And I do not know where to go from here.
I have changed. But what do I do with that change. Where do I go. How do I keep it going. What if I just shrink right back to where I was.
I am self absorbed, and I know that. I just don't know how to keep trying to get away from it. My thought patterns for the past 19 years have been me, all about me. What do I do, where should I go, what should I say, what do people think about me. How do I continue to try and push myself to get away from that. How do I find the balance in self reflection and giving.
In a few days, I wont have people holding me accountable, telling me to push myself to be intentional. It wont be apart of the "program"
It will be apart of my life, my responsibility to hold myself accountable, to challenge myself, spiritually, mentally, to intentionally live as the person I am, and move towards the person I am becoming.
Who am I becoming? Sometimes I think I just resort to acting as the person I was. Selfish, always trying to be cool, calm collected. Pushing myself to be someone I wasn't, instead of accepting who I was, and owning up to my flaws.
Even this blog post is completely self absorbed. I know too an extent this blog is for me to reflect about what I am feeling and going through, but still. I just don't know.
I think everyday I just need to take time to challenge myself. I know its time for myself, but I feel I need it to try and get away from my ever so comfortable self absorption.
In the past two years I have had two extremes, complete independence mentally, and dysfunctional dependence with my team. Now how can I find a happy medium. What does that look like? What will it feel like?
How can I find the balance.
Yours truly, Devon
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Goodbyes
This afternoon I said goodbye to the 60 odd kids that I have gotten to know and love over the past year.
Wow, I never imagined that it would be so hard to say goodbye. They are funny, cheeky, sweet, sneaky and smart, and I cant beleive it is already time to say goodbye.
I will miss them so much and I will never forget them. Ever.
Yours truly, Devon
Wow, I never imagined that it would be so hard to say goodbye. They are funny, cheeky, sweet, sneaky and smart, and I cant beleive it is already time to say goodbye.
I will miss them so much and I will never forget them. Ever.
Yours truly, Devon
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